The surreal world of ICU

The Intensive Care Unit is a surreal space. Mercy hospital in Des Moines has done a wonderful job of making it a humane, compassionate space. Nevertheless, it is a space of grief, anxiety, and uncertainty. As I waited with Sara, I became aware of the strangers on the journey with me.

During Sara's stay the foyer was filled with Amish. Apparently, two girls had been injured in a freak accident between a buggy and a semi in southern Iowa. Women in plain dresses and men in beards huddled, waiting for news. A father and his son waited for news about his wife. A family reunion sprouted while waiting for news about a beloved patriarch. Many of us slept in our clothes in pullout couches and armchairs, looking disheveled, disoriented, and distraught. Despite the human touches - private, keypad-protected waiting rooms; a shower; linens; computers and wireless access - it felt a little too public.

Some of our journeys had happy endings. Like Sara, the Amish girls showed resilience and were transferred out of Intensive Care. The elder girl's arm was in a sling, but remained in good spirits. For others, the journey ended in ICU. The patriarch's 88-year-old heart stopped beating.

I give thanks to everyone who cared intensively for us during Sara's time in ICU and I pray for the strangers whose journeys have brought them to that place. May they find comfort and peace.

The surreal feeling of 5/4 time

5/4 - or any five-beat time signature - has an unevenness to it: 1-2-3 1-2. 1-2-3 1-2. We're finding our way with the five beats in our family. Eight days after Graeme's birth, our biggest concerns have shifted from "When will Sara leave ICU?" to "When will Sara's shoes fit?" (A trip to Brown's for clogs may be in our future.)

Her recovery thus far has been so swift, it boggles my mind almost to the point of questioning whether what we went through last Tuesday really happened. We still have a long road ahead as Sara's swelling dissipates, her incision heals, and she regains her stamina. Graeme's first checkup was a reminder that it did happen. His doctor and I spent equal time talking about Graeme and Sara. (Graeme is doing well, by the way.)

As Sara continues to recover, our attention to find our rhythm as a family of five. Our return and the departure of my parents has unsettled the girls. Hanna had never spent so much time away from us before and has been fussier and clingier than usual. Slane has regressed a little and her play has also changed, adopting new storylines from life events. Tonight, her Grover doll had to visit the doctor and used a breathing machine.

Support from family, friends, and neighbors continues to pour in. Meals, dishes, yardwork, cards, prayers. It's a little overwhelming. One of the lessons you have taught us is that it is much easier to give than to receive. We thank you for all that you have done for us during this difficult time.

Together again at home

After a week of surgeries, uncertainty, and recovery, we are all home. More reflections on the past week and being home together tomorrow.
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What Sara's road to recovery might look like

The past week has been a blur. It's hard to believe last Monday Graeme was still inside Sara and both of us were at work. Sara's medical team is so impressed with her progress, but we still have a long road to recovery. The gap between her darkest hours and normal health is large, but we're making giant steps.

What will Sara's road to recovery look like?

Sara is eating solid foods again and all of her bodily functions are functioning again. We were going to breastfeed, but after the trauma Sara experienced her milk has not come in. It may never come in. Her doctors say Sara may come home by Friday, but her nurses in the mother-baby unit at Mercy think it may be sooner. We're in no rush.

The support team has already sprung to action, bringing meals, doing yardwork, cleaning dishes, taking care of other needs around the house, and making other donations. It is so much easier to give than to receive. Your support and generosity overwhelms us. We look forward to paying it forward.

Bringing Graeme to Sara

Saturday morning I drove home to Grinnell to pick up Graeme and bring him to Sara. After saying hello to my dad and the girls, my brother and I drove to the hospital to get Graeme. Sara's anesthesiologist, Alex, happened to be in the OB unit. We hugged and cried. She was so glad to hear Sara was doing so well. I was so thankful she did so much to save Sara's life.

After many thank yous and goodbyes to the OB nurses in Grinnell and a car seat check, Uncle Chris drove Graeme and me to Des Moines. When we presented Graeme, Sara beamed.

The first night away from Grinnell Regional was a little rough, just as it was with our two girls, but we found our rhythm yesterday. We can't wait to be a family of five, home together.

meeting Graeme, basic needs, overwhelming gratefulness

Yesterday, as I was finishing lunch, a special little guy knocked  on my door.  I was so excited to see him that I cried.  I held Graeme for some time, and loved every second of it.  Pictures are great, facetime is wonderful, but holding my little guy, who I only met in passing?  Wow.

His Uncle Chris (and Dave and the ob department in Grinnell) did such an awesome job loving on him this week that I didn't ask to hold him a lot yesterday, because I think Chris needed to do that.  In fact, I think Graeme may have had some withdrawal last night.  I am so glad that Chris could do that, so our little guy would not be alone.  

The hospital has been great, but the differences between a city hospital and Grinnell are noticeable.  There is no massage therapist here, and I was lamenting that, and we didn't get our "Special" steak dinner, so the Grinnell team sent gift certificates for each of those.  We got a card from one of our ultrasound techs with cash in it to help with whatever we need.  So sweet.  They also sent a CD with pictures of Graeme's first few days, and sent a list of all his visitors.  My Grandma said she got to hold him for 45 minutes and they were so nice to her during that time.  The staff here at Mercy is great.  They get what I need, respond quickly when I call, and are thorough.  I feel very well cared for.

Apparently things are doing okay at home.  I knew I had some vegetables ready to process and wasn't sure if that had happened, when we got a call yesterday from the person dropping off our first meal.  She noticed there were vegetables that needed to be taken care of and asked if that would be okay.  

Dan's parents and the girls came last night.  They seemed to be okay.  Slane was a bit hyper and Hanna was very sleepy, but it was still good to see my girls.  I think if they come again we need to remember to have toys on hand.  Mike and Debbie kind of had to just figure things out and I think they have done a good job with that.  

I am still overwhelmed by the generosity of strangers.  Dan had befriended a sweet Amish lady when I was in the ICU and she stopped by yesterday to check on me.  Cash is coming in from people we barely know.  Things are being taken care of and I am not stressed about much except getting better.  A doctor from my OB team was here earlier and projects that I will be send home mid to late next week.  It sounds like it is really up to the ICU team, but that makes sense.  I am planning to take more leave than I thought, because I really need to feel good to go back to taking care of my three kiddos and teaching my 500 kiddos.  For now, I'm thrilled to be able to nap as needed, get out of the bed by myself, and play with my breathing machine.

- Sara

Sara progresses, Graeme goes to Des Moines!

Today was a great day. Sara walked, moved out of ICU to the Mother-Baby Unit at Mercy (room 2033), and started eating liquids. The best news of all is that they will let Graeme stay with Sara and me at the hospital.

We've already had a few visitors here. We will be here at least through the weekend. Visitors are welcome. Sara's condition continues to improve, but her energy and stamina are still weak. Though we can't wait to hold Graeme (Facetime is amazing, but no substitute for real cuddles), we still have a very long road to recovery. We also have to find our rhythm together as a family of five.

Sara's recovery has been so rapid it seems hard to believe that just Tuesday we experienced the joys and terrors of childbirth. Life is so fragile. The ability of the human body to stretch its limits amazes me.

Your prayers, thoughts, and encouragement carried us through our darkest hours on Tuesday. They continue to sustain us. Thank you so much.

Sara speaks, leaves ICU

Sara here. (Dan is my typist.) I'm transferring from ICU to the Mother-Baby Unit on the 2nd floor, east wing at Mercy in Des Moines. It's okay to come and visit me, though I may be napping. Bring toenail polish - my toes are a mess and I have to wear hospital socks.

I walked all the way to the end of the hallway and back. It felt good. Really good.

I am eating. It's all liquid, and that's okay. It's been a while since I've been this excited about jello. Maybe first grade.

They removed my catheter and I peed on my own this morning. I had a bath (sort of). It's a container of heated baby wipes marked "bath".

I did Facetime with Graeme this morning. He was cute and cuddly, making little baby faces in his sleep. His Uncle Chris does such a good job with him.

All your prayers and messages have been incredibly humbling. They are obviously working because ...here we are. Thank you.

My goodness, we're going to be blown away with so much help and support with Graeme and the girls. I don't know how we're going to show people how we appreciate it as much as we do.

 - Sara

How to help

Many people have asked how they can help us. Gracious friends are coordinating support for us, led by Chris Day. Details are on the Help MamaCue Facebook group. Please join it if you are interested in helping out. In addition:

• If you attend First Presbyterian Church, talk with Marlene Peak.
• If you work with Dan or Sara, talk with their supervisors.
• If you are an Eveland (or associate with one), talk with Shelli Eveland.
• If you are a Hoksbergen (or associate with one), talk with Carol Hoksbergen.
• if you attend Bethel CRC, talk with Shelli Eveland.

If you are none of the above, join the Help MamaCue Facebook group or contact David Eberbach.

How is Sara?

Sara's status and outlook has improved dramatically over the past 48 hours. She remains in ICU at Mercy in Des Moines. Her medical team has removed her drainage tube and she has started eating ice chips, the first things she has taken orally since a glass of milk Monday night. Her vitals are normal and her doctors are quite pleased with her progress. She may begin taking liquids and her first post-surgery walk tomorrow.

She stood up and sat in a chair twice today. Her nurses (Melissa, Nikki, Linda, and Tabitha), other medical staff and visitors (parents, siblings, in-laws, niece, nephew, friends, and the girls) have kept her spirits up.

How is Graeme?

Graeme is also doing well, receiving love, cuddles, and attention from his ob nurses and visitors. His big sisters met him for the first time last night. He and his Uncle Chris have video chatted with us several times. Graeme will come home Saturday. We will post more pictures soon!

Thank you.

Thank you for all your thoughts, prayers, and encouragement. They have sustained us.

Sara doing better

 "You keep trying to pick a fight, but I'm still just happy you're alive." - Bob Parr (Mr. Incredible), The Incredibles, 

No, Sara has not tried to pick a fight, but I am still just happy she's alive. Her medical team is beginning to wean her off of oxygen and blood pressure medication. They are also giving her medication to manage her pain. Sara is resting frequently, but fully alert and communicating. She is able to move all her limbs.

We thank everyone who has said a prayer, lifted us up in their thoughts, and shared words of encouragement through a variety of communication channels. It has given us strength knowing so many care for Sara and Graeme's well-being. It's humbling, too. 

The four questions I hear most frequently are:

1. How are Graeme and Sara doing? They are doing well. 
2. How do you pronounce Graeme? Like the cracker (if you're a foodie) or the unit of measurement (if you're a geek).
3. What caused the bleeding? This is a question that Sara and I have given little thought to now. This was Sara's fourth pregnancy and third c-section. We knew that there would likely be bleeding following delivery. The uterine wall was so thin in places, I could Graeme in the womb. (I'm told this is not normal). Fortunately, her medical teams in Grinnell and Des Moines took actions that stopped the bleeding and saved her life. I have spoken with a few friends who have gone through this and they had the same experiences we had. 
4. When will Sara hold Graeme? Soon. The Ob department and family and friends in Grinnell are doing a great job lovin' on Graeme. The ICU at Mercy in Des Moines is doing a great job with Sara, but we don't know yet when she will come home.
5. What can I do to help? We are working on a support plan for when Sara and Graeme come home. We'll share details in a future post - stay tuned.

The recovery begins

Great news: Sara is awake, alert, and communicating. She is off of her ventilator and breathing on her own. Her blood pressure is holding stable without medication. She even stood up, though she said it was painful. She says she felt like she's been hit by a bus.

Before they removed the ventilator, she responded with nods, squeezes, and facial gestures. She also wrote three notes to me: "tube out", "choke", and "gag". That's when I spoke to her nurse, Melissa, about removing Sara's breathing tube.

Sara is recuperating at Mercy hospital in Des Moines. She's not ready to accept visitors just yet. Many thanks to Melissa and Nikki her nurses here. Thanks also to all the doctors, nurses, techs, and staff that have cared for her.

And thanks to you for your thoughts, prayers, and encouragement.

Sara day 2 post-surgery

Sara is now out of surgery. The bleeding has essentially stopped. She is still sedated and on medication to stabilize her blood pressure. She will probably remain sedated through the night. Her medical team is working to get her breathing on her own without assistance. She is in a better, more stable condition than she was 24 hours ago.

Knowing that she appears to be on a road to recovery, I now feel more comfortable sharing a few photos of Graeme post-delivery. Sara has not yet held Graeme, but will when she comes home.

Sara, before school Monday morning.

Graeme, fresh from the oven.

Happy family!

Graeme and Sara.

Sara in surgery

Sara is now in surgery. The purpose of this surgery is to finish the exploratory surgery from yesterday afternoon. Her medical team is looking to confirm that the bleeding has stopped and close  her up from the surgery yesterday.

Sara remains under sedation. With a little help from medication, her blood pressure is stable. She is breathing on her own through a ventilator.

Assuming surgery goes well, she will likely be at the hospital in Des Moines through the weekend. I'll give another update post-surgery.

I have spoken with friends and family about an action plan to help us once Sara and Graeme are home. More details to come.

Thank you for your thoughts, prayers, and encouragement.

Sara update day 2

Sara had a good night for someone in her condition. Her blood pressure remained stable with a little help from medication. She remains fully sedated.

She is still scheduled for surgery today. This surgery is really just a continuation of the third surgery yesterday, which was to locate the source of the bleeding and to help stop it. Today's surgery will see if the bleeding has stopped.

I'll post an update after the surgery. Thanks for your thoughts, prayers, and encouragement.

Sara Update 4

Sara may finally be stabilizing. Her blood pressure is normal. Other levels suggest her bleeding has stopped but we won't know for certain until an exploratory surgery late morning.

When Sara's nurse, Nikki, found out Sara is a music teacher, she offered to play one of the music channels for her. Sara is now listening to the Groove, r+b of the '70s.

Thanks for all you continued prayers and words of encouragement.
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Sara Update 3

Sara is still sedated. Doctors are using medications to keep her vital signs stable while they seek to determine the source of the bleeding. It seems she may have turned a corner, but we won't know until tomorrow.

Back in Grinnell, Graeme is doing well.

The outpouring of prayers, thoughts, and offers to assist us is humbling. I'm so grateful we have so many thoughtful, caring people in our lives. Once Sara is stable and conscious, I will have a better sense of what our needs will be.

Keep Sara, Graeme, and their caregivers in your prayers. Hug a nurse and tell them thanks. The efforts of Sara's doctors, nurses, and techs have saved her life. I hope and pray their work in the coming hours helps Sara back onto the road to recovery.

Sara update 2

Sara is now at a hospital in Des Moines. She is sedated. Her blood pressure is stable. Her doctors are working to stabilize her and determine if the bleeding can be treated with surgery or with medicine.

While in Grinnell, she received 12 units of blood and 15 units of clotting agents. Some of the blood was brought to Grinnell by state trooper.

Thanks to everyone for your thoughts and prayers.

Graeme and Sara update 1

First, the good news: Sara gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, Graeme Seeger, at 8:10 this morning. He was 9 lbs. and 10 oz., 21 inches long. He is eating and sleeping well.

Sara had complications following the delivery by cesarean section. Her medical team was not able to control her bleeding, which led to an emergency hysterectomy. Unfortunately, that surgery did not control the bleeding, either. As I type, she is in a third operation to determine the source of the bleeding. Her doctors and I have agreed to transfer her by helicopter to Mercy Hospital in Des Moines to give her added care.

Sara and I appreciate your thoughts and prayers. I will post on this blog again when there is news to share.