I have been struggling lately. I want to know how some moms work full time, have clean houses, make dinners, do laundry, eat well, exercise, and still have time to play with the kids and have some personal time. I feel like I have to do it all, and most of the time I am too exhausted to do that. I know Dan helps, probably more than most dads, but it still seems like I have to do it, and if I don't then I have let the team down. And somewhere in there I would really like the baby belly to go away and my clothes to fit better. I keep thinking if I can just hang on until summer then I will be at parks all day and playing and biking around town...but how do I get that exercise in the winter? When? And still keep up on laundry without forgetting I washed a load two days ago and never got it into the dryer, or have dinner prepared in a timely manner for those of us who need to eat, eat, eat right now.
I want to spend more time with Slane but when I am spending time with her I feel like I should be doing dishes or unloading the dishwasher or cleaning out the fridge or something more useful, when I know the best thing I could be doing is chasing a toddler down the sidewalk or playing ball with her.
I never had intentions of working full time when I had a baby, but it seems like I didn't have a choice, and I couldn't pass up a full time job, even if it is not necessarily the grade level I would rather be teaching.
I feel guilty if I have to stay at work late, and even more guilty if I have a meeting and leave Slane with Q (though I don't think he feels the same guilt). Taking time for myself doesn't seem like an option, and Q often tells me my Sunday nap (which never really catches me up) is my time to myself.
It just seems like by the time I get home, pick up Slane, attempt to start dinner, wait until Q gets home so I can really start dinner, feed everyone, do the dishes, pick up a bit, and maybe, just maybe get a walk in, I'm done. Nothing left. Even if Q helps with some of that (which he often does), there is nothing left.
So, I was just wondering, how do you do it?
3 comments:
When Lexi (our oldest) was born and I was working full time we did two things: bought a dishwasher and assigned Scott Lord of the laundry. Those two steps were major sanity savers! Knowing I could do laundry if I needed, but that I didn't HAVE to do it was a huge relief.
Then kiddo number two came along, I quit working full time, assumed I would be able to do so much more of those domestic things on a more timely basis without a full time job. HA! We still almost always have dirty dishes in the sink, I have to schedule bathroom cleanings or it never gets done, and sometimes by the end of the day I wonder just what I have accomplished. After a few months of freaking out that I was apparently a horrible SAHM, I realized...no body REALLY has it as together as what we all think. And those that do, often have help...the kind you pay, not just thoughtful husbands.
Life is much more enjoyable since I decided I simply needed to be the best ME everyday and everything else will get taken care of in time. Sometimes that means playing before cleaning. Sometimes that means handing out a snack to tide someone over until I get around to making dinner. But it always means I take time to enjoy life now even with the chaos because someday I will have too much time to keep the house clean, focus on my career, and fold laundry when the girls are grown and gone.
Hang in there. Summer is close at hand!
First off, you sound like a completely normal mom. I'll echo Jenn "nobody really has it together". We just put on a good face and then go home to the chaos and muddle our way through. I'm teaching part-time and with 3 kids, there are a lot of days I feel like pulling my hair out. My only exercise is taking walks/going to the playground with the kids (in the mall in the winter) and hanging up laundry.
One thing I would advise you to do is cook every other day, and then take a day off from cooking (as going out is expensive, just "cook" something ready made on the 7th day). So plan for 3 meals a week, but cook double and reheat the second day. It's really not more work to use double the amount. Saves dishes, time, etc. Microwave or keep the soup/stew in the same pot to reheat. Lunches should just be simple sandwiches (I still eat PB&J) and easy things like carrot sticks, yogurt, etc. My family doesn't complain, and we're all happier.
Thanks Jenn and Jen. I'd been having a rough week, could you tell? I'm feeling a lot better and reminding myself that summer is 13 school days away and then I can nap when Slane naps, bike to the park and chill a bit. I may even take Slane to daycare 1 full day or two half days a week just to have a bit of me time...
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